It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
