What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just found puke in my bra..
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
