Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
