I think I died a long time ago.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
