i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
