she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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