Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
