and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
