I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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