and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
