Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
