Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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