I want to walk on stilts...naked
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
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