I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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