i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
