dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
