I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
