i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
