could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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