Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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