My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
