so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
