i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
