just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
