Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I supernannyed him into submission
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
