I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize