he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I need moral support for this bender
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize