Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
