Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
