She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize