you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
two words: eviction party
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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