Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I CAN MOONWALK!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
