Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
