He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
