I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize