Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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