we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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