I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
