just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
