He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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