On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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