Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
