I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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