even my farts smell like vagina
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
