I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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