No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
