so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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