What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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