Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
