I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
