I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
