is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
