The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
