So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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