soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize