It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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