My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
