I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize