His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just had sex on a roof
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
