I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
