It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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