She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
