That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
