It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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