i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
