He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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