Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
