y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
