Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
