I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
accomplished twins. life is a go
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
