someone get that fucking seahorse.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Someone came in the potted fern
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
