Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
