vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize