She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
