The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
