i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
