Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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