Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
