OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
