He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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