I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Non-Jews are for practice
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
