my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
