since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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