Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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