I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
