So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
