I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
