So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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