I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
this hospital has no fireball
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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