He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
They have beer where we have blood.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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