Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
