three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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