I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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