i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
