did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize