how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
