someone threw a dead crab at me
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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