He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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