bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
