you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize