literally had 100 drinks last night.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
