I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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