The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
