Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
