:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize